Bachelor like me

Bachelor

1. A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some
woman miserable.


2. A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.


3. A man who never makes the same mistake once.


4. A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her
alimony.


5. A person who believes in life, liberty, and the
happiness of pursuit.


6. The only man who has never told his wife a lie.

Dr Phil - top 10

Careful !!!!!!

Tennis

.... Hey Lilly....Where is Portugal? ... very funny!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JULIET

More Comments at pYzam.com

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JULIET Your Birthdate: September 24

You understand people well and are a natural born therapist. A peacemaker, people always seem to get along when you are around. You tend to be a father or mother figure to friends, even to those older than you. You enjoy your role, and you find that you are close to many people. Your strength: Your devotion Your weakness: Reliance on others for happiness Your power color: Lilac Your power symbol: Heart Your power month: June

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

TOO FUNNY

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.





Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?"
She hit me.





How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and over fifty for Miss America ?

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"





I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I
HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."





Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be
able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?







Why is it that our children
can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Wouldn't you know it.......... .......
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever.





Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"



And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

Monkeys invading Shiners League

My head

Police Quotes

Police Quotes

#16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder that the one you just went through."

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

#14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document"

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess t hat means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?

#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"

#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

#2 "I'm glad to hear that the Sheriff is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here

Tequila for all Shiners

www.kiwee.com

Geordie

www.kiwee.com

Ljveen jokes

Q: Why don't they play poker in the jungle?

A: Too many cheetahs.

Q: Where do dogs go when they lose their tails?

A: To the retail store.

MARY PRAYER

Herbal Elements

Maxine is back

the Carpenters and Karen in the drumms

How to stay young..

How To Stay Young"

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes

Age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about

Them. That is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you

Down. (keep this in mind if you are one of those

Grouches;)

3. Keep learning: Learn more about the computer,

Crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get

Idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the

Devil's' name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp

For breath. And if you have a friend who makes you

Laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM / HER.

6. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on.

The only person who is with us our entire life, is

Ourselves. LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love: Whether

it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies,

Whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it.

If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what

You can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall,

Even to the next county, to a foreign country, but

NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at

Every opportunity.

Men in Black - for Smallalien

Ten Rules For Being Human

clipped from www.bluinc.com You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it's yours to keep for the entire period. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, "life." There are no mistakes, only lessons. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson. Learning lessons does not end. "There" is no better a place than "here." When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here." Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours. Your answers lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust. You will forget all this.

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