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Sunday, December 23

Birthday cake for Ljveen

Your Birthdate: December 23

You're not good at any one thing, and that's the problem.
You're good at so much - you never know what to do.
Change is in your blood, and you don't stick to much for long.
You are destined for a life of travel and fun.

Your strength: Your likeability

Your weakness: You never feel satisfied

Your power color: Bright yellow

Your power symbol: Asterisk

Your power month: May



Sunday, December 16

ONLY IN BRITAIN

Cartoons



Lesleys Presents for kids

Maxine Christmas videos








10 top

TOP 10 MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN A WOMAN'S LIFE
-

10. The Doctor because he says, "Take off your clothes"
--
9. The Dentist becuase he says, "Open Wide"
--
8. The Hairdresser because he says, "Do you want it teased, or blown?"
--
7. The Milkman because he says, "Do you want it put in front, or in
back?"
--
6. The Interior Decorator because he says, "Once you got it all in,
you'll love it."
--
5. The Banker because he says, "If you take it out to soon, you'll lose
interest"
--
4. The Police Officer because he says, "Spread 'em"
--
3. The Mailman because he always delivers his package.
--
2. The Pilot because he takes off fast and then slows down.
--
And the number 1 person that is important in a woman's life:
The Hunter because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and
always eats what he shoots.
===

TOP 10 THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY IN GOLF BUT AREN'T
---
10. Nuts...my shaft is bent
--
9. After 18 holes I can barely walk
--
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker
--
7. Look at the size of his putter
--
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more
--
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
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4. Stand with your back turned and drop it
--
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip
--
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired
--
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in golf but isn't:
Hold up...I need to wash my balls first

===
TOP 10 THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY IN LAW BUT AREN'T
--
10. Have you looked through her briefs?
--
9. He is one hard judge!
--
8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
--
7. His attorney withdrew at the last minute.
--
6. Is it a penal offense?
--
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
--
4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
--
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
--
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in law but isn't:

Think you can get me off?

===
TOP 10 THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THE OFFICE BUT AREN'T
--

10. I need to whip it out by 5!
--
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
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8. Put it in my box before I leave.
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7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
--
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!
--
5. HMMMMMMMMMMMM. ....... I think it's out of fluid.
--
4. My equipment is so old it takes forever to finish.
--
3. It's an entry-level position.
--
2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
--
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in law but isn't:

It's not fair...I do all the work while he just sits there!

===

I saw this....amazing

Soccer fun

Thursday, December 13

Men Christmas Wishes

Maxine here today...



More Automobile Acronyms

More Automobile Acronyms

GM
General Maintenance

GMC
Garage Man`s Companion
Got A Mechanic Coming?

HONDA
Had One, Never Did Again
Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else

HYUNDAI
Hope You Understand Nothing`s Dr And Inexpensive

MAZDA
Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

OLDSMOBILE
Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday.
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick`s Irregular Leftover Equipment

SAAB
Send Another Automobile Back
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown.

TOYOTA
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

VOLVO
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

VW
Virtually Worthless


FACTS AND STUFF

Just some facts and stuff!!!!


1. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away).

3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backwards poet writes inverse.

5. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.

7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

11. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

17. Every calendar's days are numbered.

18. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.

19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

20. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

22. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

24. Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

29. Acupuncture is a jab well
done.

Thursday, December 6

::

Shiners Editors