Funnt~y Pets
Sunday, December 30
Saturday, December 29
Friday, December 28
Wednesday, December 26
Tuesday, December 25
Monday, December 24
Sunday, December 23
Birthday cake for Ljveen
| Your Birthdate: December 23 |
 You're not good at any one thing, and that's the problem. You're good at so much - you never know what to do. Change is in your blood, and you don't stick to much for long. You are destined for a life of travel and fun. Your strength: Your likeability Your weakness: You never feel satisfied Your power color: Bright yellow Your power symbol: Asterisk Your power month: May |
Saturday, December 22
Friday, December 21
Thursday, December 20
XMAS JOKES
Q: How does Santa Claus take pictures?
A: With his North Pole-aroid.
Q: What do you call the fear of getting stuck while
sliding down a chimney?
A: Santa Claus-trophbia.
Wednesday, December 19
Monday, December 17
Sunday, December 16
10 top
TOP 10 MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN A WOMAN'S LIFE
-
10. The Doctor because he says, "Take off your clothes"-
--
9. The Dentist becuase he says, "Open Wide"
--
8. The Hairdresser because he says, "Do you want it teased, or blown?"
--
7. The Milkman because he says, "Do you want it put in front, or in
back?"
--
6. The Interior Decorator because he says, "Once you got it all in,
you'll love it."
--
5. The Banker because he says, "If you take it out to soon, you'll lose
interest"
--
4. The Police Officer because he says, "Spread 'em"
--
3. The Mailman because he always delivers his package.
--
2. The Pilot because he takes off fast and then slows down.
--
And the number 1 person that is important in a woman's life:
The Hunter because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and
always eats what he shoots.
===
TOP 10 THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY IN GOLF BUT AREN'T
---10. Nuts...my shaft is bent
--
9. After 18 holes I can barely walk
--
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker
--
7. Look at the size of his putter
--
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more
--
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
--
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it
--
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip
--
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired
--
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in golf but isn't:
Hold up...I need to wash my balls first
===
TOP 10 THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY IN LAW BUT AREN'T
--
10. Have you looked through her briefs?TOP 10 THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY IN LAW BUT AREN'T
--
--
9. He is one hard judge!
--
8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
--
7. His attorney withdrew at the last minute.
--
6. Is it a penal offense?
--
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
--
4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
--
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
--
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in law but isn't:
Think you can get me off?
===
TOP 10 THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THE OFFICE BUT AREN'T
--
10. I need to whip it out by 5!TOP 10 THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THE OFFICE BUT AREN'T
--
--
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
--
8. Put it in my box before I leave.
--
7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
--
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!
--
5. HMMMMMMMMMMMM. ....... I think it's out of fluid.
--
4. My equipment is so old it takes forever to finish.
--
3. It's an entry-level position.
--
2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
--
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in law but isn't:
It's not fair...I do all the work while he just sits there!
===
Thursday, December 13
More Automobile Acronyms
More Automobile Acronyms
GM
General Maintenance
GMC
Garage Man`s Companion
Got A Mechanic Coming?
HONDA
Had One, Never Did Again
Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else
HYUNDAI
Hope You Understand Nothing`s Dr And Inexpensive
MAZDA
Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along
OLDSMOBILE
Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday.
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick`s Irregular Leftover Equipment
SAAB
Send Another Automobile Back
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown.
TOYOTA
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
VOLVO
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
VW
Virtually Worthless
FACTS AND STUFF
Just some facts and stuff!!!!
1. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away).
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backwards poet writes inverse.
5. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
11. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
17. Every calendar's days are numbered.
18. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
20. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
22. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
24. Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away).
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backwards poet writes inverse.
5. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
11. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
17. Every calendar's days are numbered.
18. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
20. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
22. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
24. Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Wednesday, December 12
Tuesday, December 11
Sunday, December 9
Saturday, December 8
Friday, December 7
Thursday, December 6
Wednesday, December 5
Sunday, December 2
Friday, November 30
Tuesday, November 27
Monday, November 26
Saturday, November 24
Friday, November 23
Diabolic Artist
Which Famous Artist Are You? | |
 | You are Marcel Duchamp. You have a playful and mysterious nature that draws people's attention. Not a person of words, you tend to let your actions do the talking. Your greatness comes in your ability to stir curiosity through your art. |
| Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com | |
Thursday, November 22
Saturday, November 17
Tuesday, November 13
Friday, November 9
Thursday, November 8
Sunday, November 4
Saturday, November 3
Globalization best definition
Finally, a decent definition of globalization that I can understand and to which I can relate:
Answer: Princess
Diana's death.
Question: How come?
Answer:
An English princess with
An Egyptian boyfriend
Crashes in a French
Tunnel, driving a
German car
With a Dutch engine,
Driven by a Belgian
Who was drunk
On Scottish whisky,
(check the bottle before you change the spelling),
Followed closely by
Italian Paparazzi,
On Japanese motorcycles;
Treated by an American doctor, using
Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by
A Portuguese
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Shiners Editors
- Diabolic
- Lisbon, Portugal
- 38 years male, likes reading, sports, games and internet
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