Funny tennis moments

Bad pick-up lines

> Lets play Titanic, when I say iceberg, you go down.
> -
> You must be high jumper, because you make my bar rise.
> -
> If we were both squirrels, would you play with my nuts?
> -
> Would you wear shoes if you didn't have any feet? Then why are you
> wearing a bra?
> -
> Do you believe in love at first sight? Or do I have to walk by again?
> -
> You must have a mirror in your pocket because I can easily see myself in
> your pants.
> -
> What time do you have to be back in heaven?
> -
> I seem to have lost my phone number, can I have yours?
> -
> If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
> -
> How about you sit on my lap and we can talk about the first thing that
> pops up.
> -
> I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me?
> -
> Sex is a killer. Wanna die happy?
> -
> Do you sleep on your stomach? "NO." Can I?
> -
> Playing doctor is for kids. How about me and you play gynecologist.
> -
> Excuse me, do you give head to strangers? Well then, allow me to
> introduce myself.
> -
> The word for the day is legs. Lets go back to my place and spread the
> word.
> -
> Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some?
> -
> The last time I saw you, I was dreaming.
> -
> Hi, my name is Dave. Don't forget it because you'll be screaming it
> later on tonight.
> -
> That's a nice smile, its just too bad that's not the only thing you're
> wearing.
> -
> All those curves, and me with no brakes.
> -
> I'm a milkman. Want it in the front or the back?
> -
> My friends call me Booger. Wanna eat me?
> -
> My friends call me scab. You should pick me.
> -
> I'm a pilot. Can I see your cockpit?
> -
> My name is Richard, but my friends call me Dick. Wanna know why?
> -
> Your legs are like peanut butter. Smooth and creamy and easy to spread.
> -
> (leaning over to whisper) I think about you when I masturbate.
> -
> Your boobs are almost as big as my moms.

Olympic flame and the Moon

Hair Style - dogs

I'm not Michael Phelps

Michael Phelps first gold medal

Ikea Job Interview

Call 911

Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller : Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich
Dispatcher : Excuse me?
Caller : I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher : Was anything else taken?
Caller : No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

My Personal Favorite!!!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

And the winner is..........

Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn...I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.

Suicide

Forest Love