Mom

Definitions By Mom


AIRPLANE:
What Mom impersonates to get a 1-year-old to eat strained beets.


APPLE:
Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.


BABY:
1) Dad, when he gets a cold.

2) Mom's youngest child, even if he's 42.


BATHROOM:
A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom tobe
self-cleaning.


BECAUSE:
Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be
explainedlogically.


BED & BREAKFAST:
Two things the kids will never make for themselves.


CAR POOL:
Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going
the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar.


COUCH POTATO:
What Mom finds under the sofa cushions after the kids eat dinner.


DATE:
Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy worrying about the
kids in a different setting.


DRINKING GLASS:
Any carton or bottle left open in the fridge.


DUST RAGS:
See "DAD'S UNDERWEAR."


EAR:
A place where kids store dirt.


ENERGY:
Element of vitality kids always have an oversupply of until asked to
do something.


EYE:
The highly susceptible optic nerve which, according to Mom, can be
"put out" by anything from a suction-arrow to a carelessly handled
butter knife.


FOOD:
The response Mom usually gives in answer to the question, "What's for
dinner tonight?" See "SARCASM"


GENIUSES:
Amazingly, all of Mom's kids.


HAMPER:
A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but not
containing, dirty clothing.


HANDI-WIPES:
Pants, shirtsleeves, drapes, etc.


HINDSIGHT:
What Mom experiences from changing too many diapers.


ICE:
Cubes of frozen water which would be found in small plastic tray if
kids or husbands ever filled the things instead of putting them back
in the freezer empty.


JEANS:
Which, according to kids, are appropriate for just about any
occasion, including church and funerals.


JUNK:
Dad's stuff.


KISS:
Mom medicine.


LEMONADE STAND:
Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar,
lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice
for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of
15 cents.


MAYBE:
No.


OCEAN:
What the bathroom floor looks like after bath night for kids,
assorted pets, two or three full-sized towels and several dozen toy
boats, cars and animals.


OPEN:
The position of children's mouths when they eat in front of company.


OVERSTUFFED RECLINER:
Mom's nickname for Dad.