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Monday, February 18

Pizza for Smallalien


Dear Lord

Funny children





FUNNY EPITAPHS

Here lies my wife,
Here lies she;
Hallelujah!
Hallelujee!
In a Leeds graveyard [1861]

"I told you I was sick!"
In a Georgia cemetery

The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna,
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.
In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery

Here lies the body
of Jonathan Blake
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.
Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery

Here lays Butch,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.
In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery

I was somebody.
Who, is no business
Of yours.
Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont

Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont

Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest man.
And that is Strange.
A lawyer’s tombstone in England

Here lies
Ezekial Aikle
Age 102
The Good
Die Young

Here lies
Johnny Yeast
Pardon me
For not rising
In Ruidoso, New Mexico

Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann
Dec. 8, 1767

Reader if cash thou art
In want of any
Dig 4 feet deep
And thou wilt find a Penny.
John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery

Gone away Owin' more
Than he could pay
Owen Moore in Battersea, London, England

Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up And no place to go.
In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery

Eye Test

HILARIOUS! (and I did see sheep...at first. Then I looked closer to see if I recognized anyone!)

Eye test for those over 40





~~~~~~~~~ कोका-cola

Coca Cola (the real one) is not only great to drink, it also has many uses around the home.
This list of uses was tested on ordinary, original Coca Cola, not the diet kind, or any of the variations there are available.
1. Cleaned a burned saucepan by pouring Coke into it and boiling. This takes out all the staining.
2. It’s easy to make a modern photograph look like an old sepia one. Just lightly brush the photograph with Coca Cola and dry quickly. Don’t wet it too much or it will buckle. Photocopied black and white pictures make great looking “antique” prints, if you treat them in the same way. Maps photocopied and treated this way, look fantastic in antique style frames.

3. If you dye your hair and the result is too intense, flat Coca Cola will help to lighten it.

4. Give old coins a soak in Coke. This gives a brilliant shine for collections and decorative items.

5. Pour Coca Cola into your kettle and leave all day. This will remove limescale and leaves it clean inside.

6. A can of Coke poured into the toilet will clean it. The acid in the drink gets to work right away.

7. Make an excellent barbecue sauce by mixing Coke and Ketchup , half and half. Coat chicken, meat, etc with this before cooking. It’s mouthwatering.

8. Flat Coke makes a good hair conditioner. Pour it over your hair, rinse and dry.

9. Put Coke into flat wide dishes in the garden and it will help to rid your plants of slugs. They are attracted by the sweet smell and once they fall in, they can’t get out.

10. Rusty bolts can be loosened by soaking a rag in Coca Cola, and wrapping it around the bolt. Leave for a few hours and it will be easier to move.
11. Clean your jewelery in a glass of Coke. Brush with a toothbrush and rinse well. (Not recommended for valuable items, or those with gem stones in them.)

12. Flat Coca Cola helps to settle upset stomachs. Don’t use fresh, fizzy Coke as this could irritate the condition. (Take the fizz out by adding a little sugar, if you need to.)

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Shiners Editors